Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
