it wasn't lemon gatorade
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
