Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
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Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
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While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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