Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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