i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
