those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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