I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This toilet bowl is my home.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
