It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
