so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
