Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
