dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
