I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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