i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
