Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
