My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
