dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
