Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize