You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
