oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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