Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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