theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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