i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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