Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
