Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
