Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
