dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
