i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
