my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize