yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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