you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
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I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
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