i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
