she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
