I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
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I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
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A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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