You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
