They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
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No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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