I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
