I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
