Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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