I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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