I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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