That's intense
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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