is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
