drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
