I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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