In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
