why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
