did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
