i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
