The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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