just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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