Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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