hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it's like iHOP with fire
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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