i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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