Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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