our cab driver is having phone sex.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
