Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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