Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
