I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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