bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
