what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
