Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
