you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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