My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
