I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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