I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
