Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
