I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
