One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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