how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
