they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
