He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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