I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
