you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
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Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
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the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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