I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
