I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My life is pants optional.
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