I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
